


room 94

by veils



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Romance, implied atsuoikita, past Iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veils/pseuds/veils
Summary: Shinsuke is asleep, Tooru isn't. The latter sits up and stretches his hand, turning off the television. He tosses the remote, which almost falls off the bed. Turning to Shinsuke, he watches him. His face isn't moving. Peaceful as he sleeps, his soft snores form the chuckles that leave Tooru's lips."I never loved him," Tooru whispers into Shinsuke's ears in lieu of his question earlier.The realization only hits him when he meets Kita Shinsuke — the deeper part of him. The deeper version of him. The hidden message in a Renaissance painting. The seed hiding inside a fruit.He plants a soft kiss on Shinsuke's forehead, trapping him in a warm hug, not knowing it will be the last time he will see the beautiful man.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	room 94

**Author's Note:**

> thank you [aleitheia](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/aleitheias/pseuds/aleitheias) for reading this fic! i wouldn't have the confidence to post it if it weren't for you ( + i kept editing this lmao )
> 
> [playlist to listen to!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4xyE1BdFygt44PMRml13RO?si=xzTtXLI4RhiN5VtqJuRUJQ)
> 
> this was inspired by the only wong kar wai films i watched hahaha in the mood for love and chungking express ! some scenes are based from chungking express references
> 
> <3

You know what's so contradicting? Our parents tell us not to talk to strangers yet they have far more understanding than what our loved ones can ever offer to be. They know how to wipe our tears so it won't keep spilling anymore, their shoulders are softer than pillows so our head won't slide down, and they kiss our problems away better than we do. 

It's nine-thirty o'clock, approximately an hour and a half since Tooru met Shinsuke, and thirty minutes since he's poured his heart out. He told him nearly everything about himself, leaving the hidden strokes. Shinsuke told him subtle details of his personality, the life he led and the drinks he paid for tonight. 

The night becomes significantly warm right after the day being so hazy and cold. Maybe it's just Tooru, because everyone around them is shivering. Or is it just Shinsuke. Is he a spawn of the sun? 

"Shin-chan," ah, the nickname, "have you ever felt so vulnerably empty and open when you ripped yourself out of someone's heart?" 

Shinsuke looks at him with knitted eyebrows of confusion. "One can only ever feel that way if they're the only one loving until the end. I'm guessing you loved more and cared more, that you started loving for the both of you. You wanted them to love you so you did what they should've done for you." 

A wash of realization hits Tooru. The other remains silent. Tonight is a busy night. "Can I put my head on your shoulder?”

Shinsuke feels the softness of his hair. 

—

Pretend you are Oikawa Tooru and you're standing by the doorstep of an apartment that you share with your lover — no, paramour — no, not even a fling. He's a boyfriend that doesn't love you. Perhaps he did — totally — but it didn't last long enough to level itself with the label. 

You are standing in front of him, crying, wondering where you went wrong, because he loves someone more than you, because he's littered with soft kisses and rough bruises that aren't yours. 

Every stepping stone of your life had his name engraved on the surface of the stone, carved with love and devotion. You were born and he was already there, waiting for you. You fell off a tree and he was there to carry you home. You hated yourself and he was the only one who could see how good you were. Even when you let your life astray in the middle of a high road, he picked you up and patched your scars. He accepted you for you who were but not in the sense that he had stored enough love for you. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" You ask, not minding the tears that are staining your cheeks. They are black, like your soul, smudged with mascara. "Why didn't you tell me I was the only one loving for the both of us?" 

"We were never together, Oikawa," Hajime replies, like it's slowly taking a prickly thorn out of his throat. "You mistook my concern for an act of love. I kissed you because I thought I loved you, too. I tried, Oikawa— _Tooru_. I tried because I wanted to love you, too. You were every mortal's wish upon a shining star. You always correct me with the shooting star bullshit because you said it's a falling meteorite. Instead, you tell me it's shinin—"

"Stop being so sentimental, Hajime. If you never loved me that way, all of that wouldn't matter to you!" You feel your fluid draining. Your blood, your water — even your sense of sanity is being sipped out of your head. The vision before you blurs because of your tears but it doesn't matter, right? To you, what matters is that you make him stay before he can make you leave. 

"They still matter!" He insists, and you feel his voice echoing harshly against the walls of your shared apartment. "Because I wanted to love you. I'm sorry. I don't want to make it harder for you. All I can ever be to you is a friend, a childhood soulmate—"

You leave. You can't handle it. 

( He kissed you, loved you, but you were both eighteen, freshly sprang out of the buds of your youth. He was only briefly in love, he made that clear, but you only ever listened to the beatings of your love-deprived heart. )

Now stop pretending to be Oikawa Tooru. This won't be easy for you. 

—

"Do you still love him?" 

Tooru lifts his head up, face alarmingly close to Shinsuke's. "What?"

Shinsuke doesn't move an inch. "I asked if you still love Hajime." 

"Maybe," the brunet replies, putting his head down on the other's shoulder again. 

"You're tragically dumb—"

"What—"

"For a good reason," Shinsuke continues, ignoring Tooru's exclamation. "Love makes you dumb. It sucks out all good judgment in you. That's why love is scary. But you have to get over him, whether you like it or not."

"I know." A sigh comes after. "I hate that it has to be like that all the time." Tooru moves his head, so now he has a view of Shinsuke's neck. He smells like alcohol and freshly baked bread. He smells lovable. "Can we go home at your place?" 

"Why not yours?" The other replies almost instantly. The exchange between them ends here, when Tooru stands up, Shinsuke following behind, with a mutual connection filled with trust linking their pinky fingers together. You don't go home with a stranger, but neither of them are you. Tooru hails a taxi, then they enter the backseat, replicating the way they sat a while ago. 

Comforting. 

Shinsuke is comforting. He knows exactly what to say, what to do, like he's a hermit of some sorts. Tooru lifts his head up again and studies the intricacies of Kita Shinsuke — his jawline, sharp and refined. His eyes, amber and ancient gold. His skin, dewy and unblemished. His hair, soft and silky. But he notices something. "Why were you at the izakaya, Shinsuke?" He asks. He earns the other's full attention when he looks back at Tooru, almost in the position to kiss his lips. 

"Oh," Shinsuke looks away, at the road through the window in front. "I was waiting for Atsumu. I told you already a while ago. Did you forget?" 

"Perhaps."

"You always answer unsurely."

"Because I don't know myself," Tooru chuckles. "When we get to my apartment, tell me about Atsumu." 

"There isn't much to say, we aren't together." 

"Still," Tooru insists. "You don't have to be together to validate your affection for someone." 

—

Slip your feet into Shinsuke's shoes. There we go. 

What are the things that come into your mind when you think of Miya Atsumu? 

Blooming flowers in the fields, ducklings swimming and playing in the ponds, a brand new day. Sometimes you think of crashing thunderstorms, chaos, bottled up emotions. Atsumu is expressive but do those expressions really speak up for what he wants to convey?

You care for him, but there is a deeper meaning behind it? Is there something more to your relationship? Will it forever float in between everything? You don't answer questions even if you know the answer because you are afraid to know that you are aware of things but you act as if you don't. 

He told you to wait for him because he wanted to catch up. 

However, he didn't show up. You have been waiting for him since morning. 

Then, he texts you. He can't come. 

Thoughts run viciously in your mind. What could have caused him to cancel at the last minute? You don't care anymore. Why? Why don't you care? Is it because of the young man beside you? 

—

"And at that point, you still don't love him?" Asks Tooru. They're lying down on his bed, both propped on their elbows. A bowl of popcorn is in between them. Panasonic's television sits on a table with chipping paint. Stacks of CDs fill the compartment of the table, as well as a couple of old magazines and worn out hardbound books. 

When he looks at Shinsuke, he's focused on watching; and eating. He raises his eyebrows as if to answer Tooru's question. He didn't even hum or nod, he just raised his eyebrows. Tooru hits him with his pillow. "Pay attention to me, Shin-chan!" Shinsuke throws the pillows back at him, laughing. "I'm watching the show, Tooru. So what if I'm not in love with him? We're not sharing the same feelings. We just care for each other," he replies. 

Chungking Express is playing with Japanese subtitles. The bowl of popcorn is almost empty. Empty cans of Mountain Dew are discarded on the floor. Shinsuke hates how messy Tooru is. ( "I clean!" Is Tooru's excuse. He reminds Shinsuke so much of Atsumu sometimes it becomes unsettling for him ) Either way, if he feels like it, he'll clean a bit of Tooru's room. 

Apparently, this is the apartment Tooru frequented when he and Hajime fought. Now, this is where he's staying, even though most of his things are still in his shared apartment. He doesn't give a damn anymore. If he ever goes back, he knows he'll only mold a scar in his wounds. He will double his own pain. Enough about heartbreak — this isn't what this story is about. 

Neglecting the movie, Tooru studies Shinsuke's expression. Despite being inexpressive just a while ago when they were at the izakaya, he shows a lot of emotion now. He's scoffing, chuckling, pouting. Smiling. What Tooru loves the most about Shinsuke is his smile. They've been together for like, what, an hour or two but he's lovable enough to make Tooru consider every bit of him a piece of art. And every second that he shares with Shinsuke is a portion of an ephemeral heaven. He doesn't want to lose this — he doesn't want the night to end so soon. If he can stay awake until the sun appears in the sky, he will. All he wants is Shinsuke to stay. He has a dialect ( it’s a dumb reason but it helped Tooru realize he isn’t a local ), and he said he isn't staying in Tokyo for long. 

Who knows, he can leave the next day. Who knows, maybe he won't see him again. 

"You know," Tooru sighs, fixating his eyes on the screen. "We should stop talking about them for now. Let's enjoy the night and all. Let's just talk. I don't mind if we kiss, though." 

"You're so suggestive, aren't you?" 

"Will you stop teasing me all the time, Shin-chan!" 

He's likable, Oikawa Tooru. Shinsuke isn't always so comfortable around strangers. Tooru is overly confident, believes himself, and has hundreds of stories. It's like a lot of things happen in his life. As a college drop-out, he's gone through a lot. Tried different jobs, illegal and legal. Had led himself astray when he chose the dimmer road. He was the right hand of a drug pusher before, but Hajime picked him up when his boss threw him away. 

Shinsuke likes how he doesn't give up. The way he told his stories so casually like they were just rides on a rollercoaster sums up how experienced Tooru is. The city is the center of every cruelty and imperfection in a country. Tokyo being the capital of the country is a plus. Shinsuke is only here for a short while, and will come home to Hyogo very soon. That's the plan anyway — even if his attachment to Tooru is becoming more tight, like how the red string is literally restricting the passage of blood in his pinky finger, he has to leave. 

Nothing stays forever anyway. Permanency is an illusion. 

He knows this because ever since he moved to Tokyo, a lot of his routines changed. Routines that he did since he learned how to move his body. There will be occurrences that will change the course of his routines; a routine breaker. One thing will exist to break his flow. Now Tooru has his head on Shinsuke's chest, his arms wrapped around his waist. Shinsuke loves to play with his hair. Tooru gave him permission to. Apparently, he's very strict about his appearance, trying to look pretty, but Shinsuke he doesn't have to. However, if that's what he enjoys doing, then that is fine, too. 

Chungking Express is over. Shinsuke tells Tooru to put In The Mood for Love. "Are we having a Wong Kar Wai marathon?" 

"No. I just like those movies. I watched them with my friends but they… said they didn't understand what's going on." 

Tooru breaks into laughter. "Tasteless are they, no? Anyway, come on, let's cuddle. I have it on already." Shinsuke spreads his arms wide and lets Tooru in, returning to their old position. 

Shinsuke falls asleep first, Tooru follows after. 

—

_  
Hey Tooru,_

_I need to leave early. I wish I could stay, but this is for the best. All of what we did will be stored in my memory forever. Chances of us seeing again are very slim, I don't think I'll see you again. But that will only make me sad._

_Just so you know, Atsumu matters a lot to me in a way that isn't romantic. He's just someone I care about a lot and I am aware we're better off that way. I do hope whatever happens between you and Hajime will be fixed. If he talks to you, let him. If you want to tell him how hurt you are, let yourself. Liberate yourself from the chains of a love unrequited and start anew. And don't rush yourself._

_Your bathroom stank so I cleaned it a bit. Not much, I promise you. I also brought the trash with me._

_If you want to see me again, 28109 is my postal code :)_

_Sincerely,  
Kita S. (fox doodle)  
_

—

Tooru wakes up and the bed feels cold and big. Shinsuke leaves no trail of himself anywhere. Although, he sees a piece of paper on his bedside table. The letter is from Shinsuke, who gave a postal code instead of his landline. He doesn't have the postal codes memorized nor does he have a book to locate him. 

Little does he know, it's a test. 

Shinsuke knows Tooru definitely wants to see him again if he looks it up and finds him in Hyogo through a postal code. And if he doesn't show up, that means Tooru treated that night as a one time thing. 

Will Tooru look up that postal code?

—

730 days have passed. 

Shinsuke shows up in Osaka, at the reception area of a motel. His hand is full and the other is holding his beeper. The receptionist has their back turned, so Shinsuke can't see who it is. "Excuse me, I'd like to book a room with one bed." 

The receptionist spins his chair. A familiar mop of brown hair _reintroduces_ himself to him, eyes wide and jaw slacked. Shinsuke looks up again. He isn't shocked, per se, but his jaw secretly clenches at the sight of the man he once knew. The atmosphere is thick and awkward, not even he can ignore it. It gnaws at the edges of his body, making his hair stand. "Are you a-alone?" 

"No, um, we'll share a bed," Shinsuke replies. He tries to look at Tooru in the eye. It's like the two years of being distant never happened. 

"If I may ask, who—"

"Shinsuke!" An unfamiliar voice calls. There's a mop of blond hair. A man happily scurries towards him. Tooru stares at him. Miya Atsumu. This is the Miya Atsumu Shinsuke used to talk about. Atsumu hands Tooru the payment for the room. Without showing his emotions ( let's be honest, Tooru feels a little jealous ) and gives them the keys to Room 94. 

Atsumu thanks Tooru and helps Shinsuke with their belongings. The hallways are quite dim since it's late, but they can still see the way. Inside their room, Shinsuke sits on the edge of the bed, hands fiddling with the keys. Atsumu notices, so he walks over to him and puts his hands on Shinsuke's shoulder. "Something wrong, love?" 

"That's Tooru." 

"Who's Tooru— ah, the receptionist?" 

"Yeah." 

"You should go talk to him." The older looks at him with blinking eyes. "Shinsuke, talk to him. I know you've always wanted to." 

Shinsuke leaves the room with his heart on his hand and his mind sitting on the tip of his tongue.

"Tooru." 

He swivels his chair and stands up, pushing up the small door of his counter and exits the reception area, walking toward Shinsuke. "I'm sorry I didn't show up—"

"It's okay." 

"I looked for you.. Kita-ku, Kobe is where the postal code you sent me. I wanted to go there with enough money for us so we can travel around Japan or save it up for the future, but I was robbed and ended up here in Osaka. I tattooed your postal code using the money I had left because my entire bag was robbed. And um… Hajime and I reconciled." 

A smile of relief appears on Shinsuke's face. "He moved to California with his lover. They left a year ago." 

It's no longer unsettling — the atmosphere has gone softer and softer until it's warm enough to defeat the coldness of the night. "C-Can I hug you?" Asks Shinsuke, even though his arms are already spread wide to welcome Tooru again. They hug, and coldness clashes against warmth but they blend together after so. "If you want, you can be with us, me and Atsumu." 

What a weird offer. 

"No," Tooru replies, breaking away from the hug. "It's okay. Enjoy the night. My shift isn't over yet." 

They walk away from each other, feeling cold again. Wasted chances. 

—

_  
Shinsuke is asleep, Tooru isn't. The latter sits up and stretches his hand, turning off the television. He tosses the remote, which almost falls off the bed. Turning to Shinsuke, he watches him. His face isn't moving. Peaceful as he sleeps, his soft snores form the chuckles that leave Tooru's lips._

_"I never loved him," Tooru whispers into Shinsuke's ears in lieu of his question earlier._

_The realization only hits him when he meets Kita Shinsuke — the deeper part of him. The deeper version of him. The hidden message in a Renaissance painting. The seed hiding inside a fruit._

_He plants a soft kiss on Shinsuke's forehead, trapping him in a warm hug, not knowing it will be the last time he will see the beautiful man.  
_

—

"Shinsuke."

"Hm?"

"Did you like him?"

A pause. He's lying down on the bed with Atsumu, the latter’s arm wrapped around his waist. Their noses are almost touching. The light bulb barely lights up the room. Artificial lights outside give extra brightness. 

"I can still feel his kiss on my forehead."

**Author's Note:**

> that's all.
> 
> going private once in a while on kyotoruins and i don't interact much there so i don't really recommend following me there oof. 
> 
> have a nice day and stay safe! stan oikita/atsuoikita for clear skin <3 - akiyo, scry.


End file.
